Why do I suffer?
Why do I fall?
Is it a lack of something within?
Is it a deafness, blindness, sin?
Is it my fault,
A weakness large?
Is it an ignorant, stubborn heart?
Or perhaps all these,
Seized on to torment,
By an enemy fierce
Who confusion foments?
Your grace do I seek;
I am utterly weak.
My eyes cannot see;
My ears wrongly hear.
Help me to trust
In You — that I must.
Empty without You,
Bereft of all things,
Nothing to offer,
Nothing to bring.
Only a skel’ton,
A frame without flesh,
A small, empty vessel —
Without peace, without rest.
Until You do fill me,
Until You bring grace,
Until You infuse me —
I need Your embrace.
You tear back the curtains,
You dissipate dust,
You melt all the misty,
You fill up my cup.
You bring into focus
What once was unclear.
The picture once blurry
I face without fear.
I looked around, what did I see?
A person looking back at me.
Was he the I, or I the it,
Was he to me my destiny?
And who am I and who are you?
Our destinies together through
Has God ordained; it must be true.
A myst’ry lies beneath it all,
I do not understand the call.
But still with trust I must go forth;
My circumstances must not force.
Accept, accept, and let it be.
Why the truth I tend to hide?
Refuse to God my sins confide?
Reluctant Doctor God to see;
Confess that I’m in agony?
Hiding the hate, the fear, the sin;
Hiding all that lurks within.
Not to say that I’m no good,
Just that I be honest should.
And not to hide behind a smile;
Let down the acting for a while.
Not conceal behind a mask
My weaknesses — that is my task.
O why pretend, my weary soul,
That I’m the person in control?
The circumstances of my life
To Him I yield, let go the strife.
Through death and birth,
Ill health and woe,
Through laughter, tears,
Through joys and fears —
The world’s still here.
It didn’t stop
To take a pause
When someone died,
When someone cried;
When someone lied,
The world went on.
Through war and peace,
Through health, disease;
Through daring feats,
And cowardly deeds —
Life still flows on.
It might be wise
To take a pause,
To look at all
The many flaws
Which unknowing —
Suffering cause.
And learn, and learn,
And finally learn,
That Love is waiting
With open arms,
When all does cease.
(Inspired by the heavy rain today.
I felt it was washing me clean as I drove along in my car.)
Wash me clean, Oh Lord!
Like drops of rain that coalesce,
Cleanse me with Your tenderness —
Oh, wash me clean.
Like rivers rushing to the sea,
Like waterfalls that roar at me,
Like river rapids wild and free —
Wash me clean.
With Holy Spirit water let
My soul revive and not forget —
My sins were scarlet —
Now washed clean.
Let rain fall down from up above,
Cleanse the stain of sin with love,
All filth and dirt are washed away;
Close by Your side my soul must stay.
My memory is really shot
Was that man’s name Ted or Scott?
Was that woman Sue or Sharon?
Perhaps it’s Shawna? Rose? Or Karen?
Do I turn at Madison?
Or Grant, or Tadd, or Addison?
Make a left at Allemany?
Daisy, Mayzie, or Allegheny?
But the place I really stall
Is forgetting who You are
And who I am before Your throne —
I am Your child
Just a faulty memory,
A broken circuit,
A sin, maybe.
Just a faulty memory.
Where’s that paper I can’t find?
Where’s the bill for the telephone line?
Where’s the lid for that open can?
The remote that goes on the TV stand?
Who did I forget to greet?
That lonely person on the street?
Who did I forget to call?
Where did I last drop the ball?
It’s just a faulty memory,
A broken circuit,
A sin, maybe.
Just a faulty memory.
Bring it back to me, Oh Lord.
Make harmony of dissonant chord.
Remind me, Savior, strong and mild,
That I am still your little child.
There is a far and distant land
Of which we all must dream
Where tears turn into diamonds
And laughter runs in streams
Where children play along that shore
And dance in bright sunbeams
Where hungers are all satisfied
And wounds long held do mend
Where strife and sin are but a dream
And troubled thoughts at end
There is a far and distant land
To which we all must look
And if I knew it very well
I’d write it in a book
‘Til then while life’s strains take up time
Our hope is in that land divine
April 12, 2012
Many tears I’ve often cried,
Some sorrows lived and more just seen.
Heard of many tragedies —
Heartbreaks, pain and misery.
But never mind,
I still must sing
‘Cause otherwise the pain would crush,
And anyway I have a King
Who has a deeply healing touch.
Illness, sickness, death and doom,
Madness, jealousies and gloom,
Accidents not meant to be;
Misunderstandings — let them be.
But anyway,
I still must sing,
‘Cause otherwise the load’s too great,
And anyway I have a King
Who in the end will sadness take.
Don’t even know the reason why
Such sorrow seems to seize my soul.
Another’s pain can often rend
My heart — and then —
It takes a while for it to mend.
And still,
I will keep on the song,
‘Cause otherwise I’d die of pain,
And anyway I have a King
Who in the end will vict’ry gain.
So sing with joy,
Let sorrow flee;
The King will have the victory.
October 21, 2012
No matter what I do or say,
Jesus, You will have your way.
I fight, I beat against your chest,
Though I know You want my best.
I know You have an awesome scheme,
A plan beyond my wildest dreams.
My blinded eyes, my stopped up ears,
Surely You will calm my fears.
Kicking, screaming, still I go;
Your plan for me I do not know.
When sweet surrender finally comes —
Not my will, but Thine be done.
clarakatalin 