Thank God for the Fleas
When my parents were World War II refugees, they lived in various Displaced Persons camps run by the U.S. and other Allies. Sometimes it would be so cold that there was frost on the INSIDE walls of their “accommodations”. (I don’t know exactly what their living quarters were like,) At some point in there, my older brother (a baby!), one paternal uncle, and my paternal grandmother also lived in the same camp(s). At least they had shelter! Traumatic as it all was, thank you Allies (and, ultimately, God), for keeping my family alive! Others, as you know, suffered considerably more: in concentration camps, in battles on land, sea, and sky, and elsewhere.
LIFE IS A GIFT! And, I’m so grateful to live in a home with heat and hot water.
Corrie ten Boom was in a concentration camp during World War II, because her family had hidden Jews in their home. She decided to take seriously the Scripture, “… give thanks in all circumstances …” (1 Thessalonians 5:18), so she gave thanks for the fleas in her barracks. Sooner or later, she learned that the guards would avoid her barracks as much as possible, because of the fleas. In that way they did not get as much abuse as they might have. Perhaps most of us are not as faith-filled as Corrie ten Boom, but there is certainly a lesson to learn from her.
War is probably horrific for everyone touched by it, but perhaps it’s appropriate to also remember the positives.
Why do some (or perhaps all of us) encounter great trials and tribulations? I propose a few reasons here, several or all of which could occur together:
- We are being tested by God. It can be an opportunity for growth, to trust in Him more.
- We are being chastised by God. ” … for the Lord disciplines those whom He loves, and chastises every child whom He accepts.” (Hebrews 12:6). This is a good thing, because it shows that God loves us enough to correct us.
- We are suffering for our own or other people’s poor choices. We make bad decisions, or others take out their frustrations on us.
- It’s just part of the fallen human condition. Because of original sin, we all suffer consequences such as illness, accidents, death, etc.
No matter the reason, we must trust that God is with us through these difficulties. I don’t see any other reason to hope.
Blueberries and Junk Piles
“… most marital arguments cannot be resolved.”
How about that for a startling statement? Read on …
Now that my husband is retired, we have more “opportunities” to learn about each other’s perspectives.
Many years ago, I did learn that certain of my husband’s behaviors were not deliberate attempts to hurt me, though they often felt like it. Now I am learning that we truly do see things differently, which is why we often have (usually settled amicably) conflicts.
Take the case of the blueberries.
One day we were beginning our breakfast routine, and Tom said he was going to put some frozen blueberries in his bowl. I said, rather harshly, “Please eat the fresh blueberries first.” A little while later, he asked me, “Why was it so important that I eat the fresh blueberries? I like the frozen ones, because then the milk (or half and half) I pour on them freezes a little and it reminds me of ice cream.”
So I had to explain that I hate for food to be wasted, and I wanted the fresh berries used up before they became rotten. Why didn’t I explain that, instead of being harsh with him? Maybe I assumed he would have the same perspective I have, namely, the need to not be wasteful. But he was seeing blueberries in a whole different way.
Then there’s the case of the junk pile, or piles.
I came home and noticed that my husband had kindly put out the trash bins on the street in anticipation of the following day’s trash collection. When we went for a walk the next morning, he mentioned that he had started breaking up some items in the side yard, to “clear up more junk,” and had put them in the trash collection. I said, “What exactly did you you put in?” He named some items, and I said, “Wait a minute, I was going to give those to Goodwill or freecycle.org.” “But I’m trying to clear up junk like we agreed to, and it was in the junk pile.” “But,” I said, “the junk pile is in [area A], not the area you were clearing.” He replied, “I thought the junk area was the whole side yard, and those items have been there for months.”
Well, besides us never having explicitly defined the actual junk pile area, and me leaving items out for a long time (because I needed to clean them before giving them away and I had procrastinated on that task), I realized that we needed to have a lot more communication. “Why,” I asked, if he wasn’t sure about throwing something out, “did you not ask me?” “Because you weren’t home and I wanted to get the task done.” Anyway, I thanked him for his effort and rushed home, but the trash collector had already come. [By the way, afterwards I did clean up some remaining items and most have been given away successfully.]
So my point is that many disagreements have to do with misunderstandings and assumptions. They aren’t necessarily examples of people being mean to each other. Perhaps my husband and I have not talked enough about our perspectives, priorities, and what values are important to us (in this case, my value of frugality or not being wasteful).
In the book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”, by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver (Harmony Books – 2015), on page 28 the authors state, “… most marital arguments cannot be resolved. Couples spend year after year trying to change each other’s mind — but it can’t be done. This is because most of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of lifestyle, personality, or values. By fighting over these differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and harming their marriage.”
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