Beautiful and Terrible
I was visiting my medical oncologist for a follow-up appointment. I’ve been apparently cancer free for about five years now, after bouts with kidney and breast cancer. Fortunately both were detected quite early on.
While waiting in the exam room, I looked up to notice a white board with scribbled writing on it. The first scribble, on the upper left, was: “Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.” The second scribble, in the lower right corner, said “Fear ye not, for I am with ye. Yea, I am with ye always.” Then in the upper right corner was a picture from a movie, I think, but the caption was, “Hasta la vista, melanoma — the Terminator.”
These little sayings struck me profoundly. ”Beautiful and terrible,” for sure. The world is full of so much suffering, like cancer, war, violence and hatred, to name a few, but with so much beauty as well: nature, human love, forgiveness, mercy, art, and many other things. But the saying ends bravely with the words, “Don’t be afraid.” Upon further research, I learned that the quote is by Frederick Buechner, a Presbyterian minister who had a painful childhood, his family moving about almost every year, and his father committing suicide when he was fourteen. Despite those events, he went on to become a prolific writer and a preacher.
The next saying echoes the first, although its original was written long before the first saying. Again, “Fear ye not.” As far as I can tell, this is partly from Isaiah 41:10 and from Matthew 28:20, or perhaps three or four other places in the New Testament where Jesus tells his disciples to not be afraid. I think we humans need constant reminders not to be afraid.
So, the doctor arrived and after some discussion, I was told I could finish my five years of medication in June. Also, after the exam, he said I was healing well. So it was all good news. When he went out the door, I got emotional, I suppose from relief that all was well. As I went to the car and in the car, I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed. ”I shouldn’t even be alive, and here I am!”
All praise to God, who has allowed me to continue living for His purposes, which I don’t always know or understand.
clarakatalin 