Somewhere in the universe
There is a sphere
With myriad colors —
Light and dark,
Dryness and wetness,
Mountains and valleys.
On outer spheres,
The people peer inward
At the inmost sphere.
The people are spread
All over the outer spheres,
Some closer, or farther,
From the inmost sphere.
They all describe
The inner sphere differently.
Though they tell the truth
About what they see,
The descriptions sound very different.
Are we talking about the same thing?
We are not merely material,
A blend of blood and bones,
Of skin and sinew.
We need a higher Wisdom,
A Being who knows us all,
Someone Who helps us when we fall.
To go beyond our little selves,
To see a broader vista,
To see what angels see.
Though we can think
And feel and do, and make;
Still, we are creatures —
Limited and finite.
As if there were a central Fire,
And we but points on a ball around it –
We each have a unique perspective.
But the Fire can see us all.
“… most marital arguments cannot be resolved.”
How about that for a startling statement? Read on …
Now that my husband is retired, we have more “opportunities” to learn about each other’s perspectives.
Many years ago, I did learn that certain of my husband’s behaviors were not deliberate attempts to hurt me, though they often felt like it. Now I am learning that we truly do see things differently, which is why we often have (usually settled amicably) conflicts.
Take the case of the blueberries.
One day we were beginning our breakfast routine, and Tom said he was going to put some frozen blueberries in his bowl. I said, rather harshly, “Please eat the fresh blueberries first.” A little while later, he asked me, “Why was it so important that I eat the fresh blueberries? I like the frozen ones, because then the milk (or half and half) I pour on them freezes a little and it reminds me of ice cream.”
So I had to explain that I hate for food to be wasted, and I wanted the fresh berries used up before they became rotten. Why didn’t I explain that, instead of being harsh with him? Maybe I assumed he would have the same perspective I have, namely, the need to not be wasteful. But he was seeing blueberries in a whole different way.
Then there’s the case of the junk pile, or piles.
I came home and noticed that my husband had kindly put out the trash bins on the street in anticipation of the following day’s trash collection. When we went for a walk the next morning, he mentioned that he had started breaking up some items in the side yard, to “clear up more junk,” and had put them in the trash collection. I said, “What exactly did you you put in?” He named some items, and I said, “Wait a minute, I was going to give those to Goodwill or freecycle.org.” “But I’m trying to clear up junk like we agreed to, and it was in the junk pile.” “But,” I said, “the junk pile is in [area A], not the area you were clearing.” He replied, “I thought the junk area was the whole side yard, and those items have been there for months.”
Well, besides us never having explicitly defined the actual junk pile area, and me leaving items out for a long time (because I needed to clean them before giving them away and I had procrastinated on that task), I realized that we needed to have a lot more communication. “Why,” I asked, if he wasn’t sure about throwing something out, “did you not ask me?” “Because you weren’t home and I wanted to get the task done.” Anyway, I thanked him for his effort and rushed home, but the trash collector had already come. [By the way, afterwards I did clean up some remaining items and most have been given away successfully.]
So my point is that many disagreements have to do with misunderstandings and assumptions. They aren’t necessarily examples of people being mean to each other. Perhaps my husband and I have not talked enough about our perspectives, priorities, and what values are important to us (in this case, my value of frugality or not being wasteful).
In the book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”, by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver (Harmony Books – 2015), on page 28 the authors state, “… most marital arguments cannot be resolved. Couples spend year after year trying to change each other’s mind — but it can’t be done. This is because most of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of lifestyle, personality, or values. By fighting over these differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and harming their marriage.”
So painful when we misunderstand each other.
Different ways of seeing things;
We grew up in different worlds.
I’d like to listen to your pain,
But it hurts too much
To add another pain to my own.
Education helps –
Exposed to different perspectives.
But can I keep my identity
And still cherish yours?
——————-
I used to think that
When we disagreed,
You didn’t love me.
——————–
Are you a liberal or conservative?
I’ve decided that I’m a libative.
——————
There is One who knows all our pain —
Yours and mine –
But do we know His?
Come sweet sleep, awareness take;
Let heavy eyelids close their gates.
Let all my cares be put to bed —
Tomorrow they’ll be there instead.
Snores and sighs and murmurings;
Tossings, turnings, vivid dreams —
Let the shade of sleep be drawn
Until another day’s new dawn.
Where goes my soul when I do dream?
Unconscious in a sense I seem,
Yet living in another land
Of fantasies and fleeting scenes.
While in it’s slumber, mind does mend
The conflicts that my heart do rend,
And somehow then when I awake
A fresh perspective do I take.
clarakatalin 
Slight? Momentary?
“For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure, because we look not at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen; for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:17-18, NRSVCE)
Until a few years ago (and I’m 70 as I write this), whenever I heard or read this Bible verse, I thought, “Slight? Momentary? It doesn’t feel that way.” My own hardest personal cross might be chronic mild depression (dysthymia). It has never felt “momentary”. It is probably “slight” compared to major depression. But I also think of many who carry what look like quite heavy crosses: chronic physical problems, financial struggles, family breakdown, and emotional or mental health issues. They never looked “slight” or “momentary” to me.
Here is another translation of the verses. I am adding this and the next one just to give different shades of meaning, hopefully helping all to understand the verses. “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:17-18, NIV)
And again: “For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.” (2 Corinthians 4:17-18, NLT)
This immediately preceding translation might give the clearest or simplest meaning for us. And the two verses actually explain themselves, if we think about it.
It’s all about perspective, eternal perspective, that is. When I began to focus on eternity, which after all, is a lot longer than an earthly life, the quote started to make a lot of sense. Yes, I or others may be suffering now, but COMPARED TO the rewards, joy, and glory of eternity, what we’re going through is NOTHING. Yes, it doesn’t feel good if we focus on the current suffering, but if we focus on what awaits people of faith in heaven, it’s incomparable!
This is not to dismiss the very real pain that all of us go through, but to give hope that it won’t last forever. And, we probably should try to alleviate others’ suffering, if not our own. But I’ve found it very helpful to forget myself and focus on the glory to come, while always working to improve what can be improved in my little area of the world.
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